My fiance and I are getting married in October at a venue in the Fort Worth Stockyards. We chose to have a childfree wedding. This decision was made 8 months ago when we sent save-the-dates that clearly said "We respectfully request an adults-only evening."
My sister has 4 kids: ages 2, 5, 8, and 11. She assumed the "adults only" did not apply to family. She RSVPed for 6.
I called her and gently explained that the event is adults only, no exceptions. I offered to help coordinate childcare for the evening. There are several well-rated babysitting services in the Fort Worth area and I said I would pay for it.
She lost it.
Her arguments:
- "Family is different. Your nieces and nephews should be at your wedding."
- "I cannot enjoy myself knowing my kids are with a stranger."
- "You are choosing an aesthetic over your own blood."
- "Mom agrees with me."
My arguments:
- The venue has a strict capacity limit. Every child added means an adult friend cannot come.
- The 2-year-old will need constant attention during the ceremony and reception. That is not relaxing for anyone.
- Several other guests have also been told it is childfree. Making an exception for one family is unfair.
- We are paying $47,000 for this wedding. We get to make the decisions.
She said if her kids are not welcome, she is not coming. I said I would be sad but I respect her decision.
That was 3 weeks ago. She has not spoken to me since. My mom is calling daily trying to mediate. My dad stays out of it. My fiance supports me 100%.
My mom said I am "choosing a party over my sister's feelings." I said I am choosing my wedding over my sister's entitlement.
Am I wrong?
Not wrong. "Adults only, no exceptions" means no exceptions. If you make an exception for your sister, every other parent at the wedding will rightfully feel disrespected for arranging childcare while she got a pass.