My mother-in-law (MIL) is 67 years old. She lives in Houston. She has been hinting for months that she wants to "spend more time with the grandkids." My wife and I have two kids, ages 4 and 7. We live in a 4-bed house in Allen.
Last month, my MIL announced — not asked, ANNOUNCED — that she would be coming to stay with us for 3 months over the summer. She said she already cleared it with my wife.
I found out about this plan when my MIL mentioned it casually on a FaceTime call. My wife looked guilty. She had not told me yet.
Here is why I said no:
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Three months is not a visit. It is a residency. A week? Fine. Two weeks? Stretching it. Three months? That is a quarter of the year. She would effectively be living with us.
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She is not easy to live with. Previous visits have involved her rearranging our kitchen, criticizing how we feed our kids, making passive-aggressive comments about my cooking, and telling my wife she "works too much" instead of staying home with the children.
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Our guest room shares a wall with our bedroom. Having her on the other side of the wall for 3 months changes the dynamic of our home in a fundamental way.
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Nobody asked ME. My wife and her mother decided this together without my input. This is my home too.
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I work from home. She "pops in" to my home office during visits to chat. I have told her I am working. She pops in anyway. Three months of that is untenable.
My wife says I am being selfish and that "family helps family." She says her mom is lonely in Houston and this would be good for the kids. She says 3 months is "not that long."
I suggested a compromise: 3 weeks instead of 3 months, and she stays at the Residence Inn in Allen (I offered to pay). My wife and MIL both said the hotel suggestion was "insulting."
Am I wrong for setting this boundary?